Communication and Conflict

There Is A Person Behind This Face: Managing Conflict With Grace

The Problem

I was visiting with one of my best friends the other day and I could tell she was having a tough day. She seemed a little distracted, sad, beat down. Eventually she got around to spilling it; she had been reprimanded at work for a safety violation.

It wasn’t the write-up that bothered her. She knew she was in the wrong. She had forgotten to replace her safety glasses after taking off her hoodie. She’s very conscientious and had not been written up before. It was the way it was handled. The guy got in her face and yelled, violating her personal space and embarrassing her in front of her workmates. She is not an overly-sensitive person. She has worked in the public her entire adult life (not to mention a good part of her adolescence). But he had frightened her and she was still rattled 12 hours later.

Image by VISHNU_KV on PixabayI

Standing Up For Yourself…

I suggested that my friend file a complaint with the human resources department, but she said she didn’t want to appear petty.

Image by geralt on Pixabay

Now, this woman is smart, tactful, and has a wonderful vocabulary. I know that she could graciously accept her reprimand without accepting that kind of abuse from a superior. In reporting the incident, she would be doing herself, the safety manager, her fellow workers, the company, and society in general a good turn. Maybe the guy was just having a bad day, in which case nothing will likely come of it. But if it’s part of a pattern of bad behavior, maybe he needs training or reassignment.

… But Do It Professionally

So how do you complain about (or to) a supervisor while still maintaining a relationship and not looking like a whiner?

  1. Decide whether the incident deserves reporting. Was this a one-off or is there a pattern of misbehavior, poor communication, or abuse? If you’re lucky, you may be able to approach your manager with your concerns or wait for skip-level reviews, a chance for you to review your boss’s performance to his boss. If not…
  2. Review your company’s policy about up-level complaints. If you work for a company of any size, there will usually be a formal complaint process or skip-level performance reviews.
  3. Remember, there is a person behind your boss’s face, too. Bosses have bad days, sleepless nights, pressure from above, sick children, and cars that won’t start. If the complaint needs to be written, write it, but don’t be nasty.
  4. Just the facts. “On Monday, January 28, Mr. Safety saw me violate Safety Regulation 47(b). I appreciate the reminder and accept responsibility for the oversight. However, I felt the way he handled it was unprofessional. Mr. Safety approached me walking at a high rate of speed, got within 6 or 7 inches of my face and yelled at me for what seemed like a very long time, although it was probably on 15 or 20 seconds. He is quite a bit larger than I am, I’ve only met him twice before, and I felt very uncomfortable and a little afraid by what I perceived as an assault on my person. Company policy states that reprimands are to be done in a private area with one other manager present, but Mr. Safety yelled at me in front of my workmates. I was stunned and embarrassed. As a result, my mind was not on my job for the final 90 minutes of my workday, hampering productivity AND safety.”

Takeaway

I hope you never have an experience like this in the workplace (or anywhere!), but if you do, take responsibility for your own peace of mind by learning your rights. Reporting improper behavior is not weak or whiny. Done right, it’s the responsible thing to do.

What do you think?



Communication and Conflict, Social Media

There Is Life After Facebook


Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

The Problem: Can You Give Up Facebook?

Thinking about leaving Facebook? I considered it and even made a few brief “Fexits” before I finally made the leap around the end of 2018. I suppose each person has his or her own reason for bailing, and mine varied from time to time: it was too time-consuming, there were too many ads, I had privacy concerns. What it came down to for me is that not only did I find that I was losing respect for my family and friends, I was losing respect for myself. Without getting too deep into the weeds, suffice it to say that my sociopolitical views are quite different from most of those around me, and while I can live with that, I can’t respect people who insist on their own facts or are willing to compromise their core values for political expediency. And I don’t seem to have the ability to
just
scroll
on
by.

The main things holding me back were that 1) I needed to be able to manage by business’s Facebook page, and 2) I had used the Login with Facebook option on so many sites. I also really enjoyed a few quilting, crochet, and blogging groups, and wasn’t sure I wanted to give those up. At the end of 2018 I closed by business, and I decided I could do without the special interest groups and anything that requires a Facebook login. My sanity and self-respect depended on it.

I think the final straw was this guy.

The most abused emoticon on the Internet.

I assume that most of you are nicer than I am and don’t get into regular fights with your friends and family, not to mention people you don’t even know and whose good opinion you don’t value. Whatever your reasons, leaving Facebook (or Twitter or Linked in or even Pinterest) it will b a lot easier if you have a clear idea of what you want to accomplish and why social media is holding you back.

Is Quitting Social Media Feasible?

I entered 2019 with a rather hazy vision, but a vision nonetheless, of where I want my life to go. Debt-free, clutter-free, low stress, creative, present and productive. Leaving Facebook was for me an important step in that direction.

I deactivated my Facebook account 2 months ago. According to an article on Marketplace.org, millions of Americans are leaving Facebook, with an estimated net loss of about 15 million in 2018. Fifteen million more Americans chose to opt out of Facebook than joined. Let that sink in. I don’t know how many Americans joined Facebook last year, but with 5 new users joining each second worldwide, I thinks it’s safe to say that the actual number that left is huge.

Takeaway

So how’s it going? Pretty well, actually.

Pros:

  1. I’ve reclaimed an hour or more per day, and that’s just the time spent on Facebook. It doesn’t count the time I spent stewing and fuming over the fact that my Facebook ‘friends’ either have no concept on information literacy or are intentionally sharing misleading articles for their own presumably nefarious purposes. (This paragraph illustrates beautifully why I had to leave Facebook. It reflects poorly on me and on most of my Facebook contacts.)
  2. I’ve begun to reclaim my information. I don’t have to worry about what Facebook is doing with my information. If I’m not on Facebook, my profile is of little to value to them. What value it does have is getting more stale by the day. There are any number of companies mining an compiling data for exploitation on the Internet, but Facebook is a high profile bad actor, and I like to think I’ve sent a message regardless of whether it was received.
  3. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m not bombarded with invitations and requests from people who only thought of me because I showed up in their friends list.
  4. I’m happier, and I feel that wee bit more dignified each day I don’t participate in the circus that Facebook has become.

Cons:

  1. The urge to ‘share’ lingers. When my mom died, it was years before I quit reaching for my phone to call her whenever I had something to tell her. My urge to share an interesting article to Facebook is similar, the difference being that many of my Facebook shares ended in disappointing interactions. I find that I can satisfy this urge by sharing to Pinterest where it will be seen by people who are more likely to be interested, and there are no comments. I also share via SMS message to whichever of my friends or family I think might enjoy it.
  2. Out of sight, out of mind. There’s nothing like taking yourself out of the news feed to make you realize how forgettable you are.
  3. Some of my best photos are in my Facebook albums... and nowhere else. I didn’t take the time to download my albums before my Fexit. In a couple of months I’m going to log in long enough to download my albums, then I will delete my account permanently.

All the best!

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